http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/09/e ... sue-6.html
TOM DEMANDS EQUAL RIGHTS FOR ROCKS
By Freddy Baxter
In a statement that has caused a great deal of controversy, Tom, a large rock uncovered from the maze in Princess Celestia’s gardens, has demanded that he be given the same rights and privileges as other citizens of Equestria. “For too long have rocks been under the hoof of Ponies. No longer! Rise up boulders, stones and pebbles, and claim what is rightfully ours!” Tom was quoted in a statement made outside the library in Ponyville.
Tom has demanded that rocks be allowed the right to names, no longer be used to make roads, and the end to the discriminatory practice of only using shiny gems in jewelry. “Stones and rocks of all colors,” Tom demanded, “Should be used for jewelry.”
The controversy comes not from Tom’s demands, which continue on to something about grapes and meatballs, but to how exactly a rock is able to voice a demand for equal protection under the law. “Maybe we’re just hearing things?” one pony suggested. “Perhaps he is a ghost trapped in the rock?” When one pony suggested that it was a zombie rock, the accusations got out of control and Tom’s impossibly-sounded voice was quickly drained out in the arguments over how exactly he was able to make his now deafened demands.
Speculation exists that Tom is merely a leftover remnant of chaos from Discord’s attack on Equestria, since no other rocks have come forward to echo Tom’s demands. Just in case, however, Equestrian officials have been interviewing trees and small bodies of water and asking them if they too would like equal rights. None have yet commented, though one tree did drop an acorn on an official’s head. This has yet to be interpreted but is most likely not a call for full democratic rights.
Tom went forth into a lake in an attempt to bring his smooth-stoned cousins to unite to his cause. He hasn’t been heard from since. The lake did not answer requests for comment. Again, no pony has any idea how Tom actually got into the lake and speculation has become very annoying so we’re just going to blame it on Discord. That and the broken glass in Celestia’s castle. Yeah. Totally Discord. Not our fault at all.
Povero Tom!
EQUESTRIA BUSINESS
CHOCOLATE MILK PRICES SOAR
After Discord made chocolate milk rain from the sky, the price of chocolate milk reached an all-time low. Ponies discarded their normal stores of chocolate milk and rejoiced as the price literally went to zero for the first time in recorded history. Now that Discord is defeated, chocolate milk has become scarcer than ever and prices are at record levels. The cotton candy clouds have left and there is no sign of their immediate return, despite Pinkie Pie’s repeated attempts at making a chocolate milk rain dance. It worked once but that was just Rainbow Dash dropping a glass on her head for a laugh.
Princess Celestia has not commented on whether she will attempt to lower prices by releasing chocolate milk from the strategic chocolate milk reserves.
